and contemplating What kind of a cook am I? I’m not restaurant quality, tho I used to work in one (it was fast, but not a chain). I love to cook for the family, the coworkers, I even do cooking demos at the library. But really, am I a good cook? Is a cook only as good as their recipe? Or can I aspire to beyond the book? I have my staples: pasta, meat and veggie, usually with some garlic, oregano and whatever else is within reach. I change it up: I use stewed tomatoes with my meatloaf instead of ketchup, I roast the whole chicken rather than drying out breast cuts, I have even started to make my own frozen yogurt, with the help of a machine, of course. My honey says I’m a good cook, but he’s forced to eat whatever I put down in front of him. (He is incapable of lying, however, but he’ll be another story… ) So, I think I’m a good cook, I like to try new things, like to recreate my classic tried-and-true combos, but am I good enough to enter contests, perhaps? I won’t know unless I try it. And there it is- it all comes down to the fear of failing, but you won’t fail unless you try. Right? I won’t get published if I don’t submit, I won’t lose weight if I don’t exercise, I won’t win a cooking contest unless I enter. I thought about saying that “I won’t get rejected if I don’t submit, I won’t lose the contest unless I don’t enter,” but this is 2011, right? A new year, new possibilities? I’m getting a little positive here. I think I need to break and slap myself.
So what’s with the fear? I’m not afraid of scorching my dinner. I am afraid of someone not liking it even if it turns out fine. Approval? I suppose. But haven’t I proved to myself that I can do amazing things? YET?? Grad school, check; great job and doing a good job, check; good relationship, check.
So where is this fear coming from? I think 2011 is my year of not being so afraid; of doing things, submitting things and pushing myself a little further than my heart is comfortable doing. Heck, I tried cross-country skiing again for the first time, (first time was horrible, doesn’t count) and loved it! I was always afraid of slipping (see the first time) and I did slide a little, but I pushed on through.
Ah, crap. I think I’m maturing….
Ok, so first New Year’s resolution: Try new things that scare me.
Second: Stop doubting myself so much, even if I fail.
Third: Take a cooking class. Or two….