So much to think about today….

When I started this blog, I was going to try to have a new post every week. So far, so good! I’m on schedule, so to speak. With a few extra for entertainment!

Back at the coffee shop (the bar doesn’t open until 3) and just watching everyone around me. I love the atmosphere here, the sounds, the smells, the other people using their mac laptops!! And the ones who are not, poor souls. I chose the spot by the brewing machine, basically because it was the last spot left that was near an outlet. The amount of time I spend here writing, or rather checking Twitter and Facebook, playing a few games, and mostly, writing (Insert smiley face) takes more power than my battery can hold. I can sit here for 5 or more hours and not be bored. So much to do! What DID I do before the internet? How DID we survive? I can even remember.

But today I am tired. I haven’t been feeling too well these last few weeks, and I’ve been put on an anti-biotic. Anyone who knows my situation and knows about my situation will know that that is a bad thing for me to be on. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. And please, before you mutter, “Oh, yeah, I have arthritis, too!” Please note that Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid are not the same thing. Yes, they both involve the joints, but as Osteo is the deterioration of the cartilage between the joints, causing the bones to rub together, causing pain, Rheum is an inflammation of that cartilage, causing, yes, deterioration, but also swelling, to the point of not being able to move. I was a walking Frankenstein before I was finally diagnosed. Thanks to my meds I can type again, but not without bouts of pain. Rheum is also an Autoimmune Disease, meaning that it not only attacks the joints, but it also attacks any other soft tissue you may have in your body, like muscles, connective tissues and organs. Yes, Organs. Also, with the autoimmune part, I have an OVER-active immune system. Meaning that this whole thing is caused because my immune system is attacking my body, trying to heal me, but is actually destroying me instead. My meds, thanks for them, help suppress the immune system, which in turn allows my body to be more susceptible to illness more so than the average person. Antibiotics are actually something that goes against my meds because as they are trying to heal my body, my meds are trying to tell it to stop doing that. I’m in turmoil right now.

I am also exhausted all the time. A side-effect of the disease, actually. And because moving was difficult and painfull and exhausting and depressing for that matter, the weight piled on. I praise my meds for giving me back my mobility, and hopefully as the pounds shed and I move more, I won’t be too exhausted all the time. I still have my moments, and I will have my moments for the rest of my life, but, wow. I can move. I can type. I could even paint again if I put my mind back to it. This summer I am hoping to bike again.

But today I am tired. I was planning on staying home today, sleeping in, watching movies and playing games. Craig will be leaving to see his mom after work, so I’ll have the whole house to myself tonight. I don’t like sleeping without him. The house is too quiet without him. But in the daytime, I’m used to it. Thursdays are my day off, and I relish in the fact that it’s “ME time,” but tonight it will feel weird.

So, why, you ask, am I at the coffee shop? I got a call this morning from a friend, panicked and half crying. Her dog got away from her and she can’t find him. It’s my day off, what was I going to do, go back to sleep? Wait for her to find him on her own? Bah. I got up and went to her rescue. She called me half way there telling me the cops found him. I was so relieved. So I didn’t get my morning in bed. My friend is more important. And now I am here in one of my favorite places, writing on the blog, something I doubt I would have done should I have stayed home! Besides, I have a story mulling in my mind that I thought about jotting down notes for.

I thought about it again as I drove into Port Washington, after my friend’s call, able to now appreciate the chunky snowflakes falling about me. I looked out over the fields and it got me thinking. I am a visual person. I always have been. I don’t paint what I see, I write it. So look for the tab “Ecritures” above, it will be the home of my new work. The beginnings I have already posted. (“For You Blue” is a short story I wrote a while ago. The second post will be a part of the beginning.) I also realized that all my stories, well, most of them, involve snow and winter. Can you tell it’s my favorite time of year?

The cold actually makes my joints feel better. I think it’s the dryness. Or the white, sparkly snow that cheers my mood. Who knows? I’ve always been a bit of a snow flake.
“It doesn’t remind me of anything.” White, blank canvass. Nothingness. Staring out into space.

Oh, so much to think about today. Honey, come home soon. I miss you already.

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3 responses to “So much to think about today….

  1. Hello again. Thanks for writing about RA…it IS different from other forms. I too have it, as well as two other auto immune diseases…..hard to let anyone else in on how it feels day to day, but it’s a job in itself. Thankfully I’m on meds that allow me to move, and yet, even with that, the pounds don’t want to go away. So I aim for strength and just feeling good! I so enjoy reading your writings. Thanks for blogging.

    best,
    Mimi

  2. PS not sure why, but I received no less than five copies of this in my inbox??

    • Hmmm, not sure as to why, will look into it, but can’t promise because I don’t know what I’m doing. Thanks for the Reply Mimi! If you ever need to chat, I’m all ears! Take care!

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