I really would get a lot of things done if I didn’t need sleep.
Take this morning, for example. I was forced to get up early (3:45 am) to take a friend to the airport- ok, so I insisted, but we were still forced due to the plane reservation. I left the airport around 6 am and drove along the lake for a while (Lake Michigan for those of you who don’t know where the Milwaukee Airport is…) and I watched the sun rise over the massive lake, hidden behind clouds, enjoying the fact there was NO ONE on the road. I drove around, looking at the houses and actually feeling inspired to write.
I decided to stay in the area because I have a baby shower to attend at 11 am just a few blocks away, but in order to do so I needed to find Coffee. 6 am is a little early for shops to open on a Sunday, but I found one that opened at 7, so I sat outside for a while to wait. What a cool place to be, downtown Milwaukee. Ok, so I’m not in Downtown proper, but the Alterra shop is near the new lofts in the Third Ward. And the weather is beautiful yet, that nice cool breeze before the sun fully emerges and the warmth of the afternoon starts to bake us to the asphalt.
So, I have my coffee. I even have some food to eat, which I am munching on slowly, albeit faithfully. And I am trying to write, but I keep nodding. Not falling asleep, exactly, but drooping. I look at the clock and think that I can fit a little car nap in before the party, but I am not one who wakes up well from naps. I’m better off trudging through the pain of being awake. Mind you, I am tired. I’m going to be going to bed at 3 in the afternoon and not waking up until I have to go to work tomorrow. Really, I will. No, I won’t. Yes, I will. Oh shut up, you will not.
I talk to myself, rather argue with myself, when I am exhausted, which is actually quite often.
What was I saying?
Oh yeah, productive if I didn’t need sleep. It’s not that I hate mornings, I just hate having to be awake. Period. I like mornings fine, just as much as I like the night time, but having to wake up at all just really pisses me off. Doesn’t matter if I wake up in the afternoon or evening, I would be awake and I would hate that fact. But being awake is different, tho, I suppose, than waking up. It’s the “waking up” part of being awake that I really really hate.
The time ticks on, shortening my chance for a little car nap. Should I or shouldn’t I? I keep thinking I can do it, I can stay awake until I get home. I bribe myself with the promise of a future nap, but I am very skeptical of my promises. I have promised myself many things in the past and have rarely followed through.
Have you ever been so tired that your cells start to shake? My hands don’t shake, per se, but rather the cells that make up the muscles and skin shake. My arms too. Sometimes my legs will, too, just shake like they are trying to keep themselves awake by, well, shaking.
But just think- if I wasn’t so tired right now, I would be getting a lot of writing done. I have the time, I have the laptop, I have the coffee shop, I just don’t have me! I am not here. I am half asleep and will stay that way until I fall totally asleep. I did manage to write down some ideas, some notes, but as for actual work, real worthy work on the novels, bah. It’s not going to happen. I’m better off ranting on a blog than really writing anything of worth or value.
Or Tweeting. Or playing on Facebook. Or checking my email.
No one else is up at this hour.
I wouldn’t be either, which is unfortunate. It really is too bad that I need so much sleep. I could have gotten a lot of writing done and be that much closer to actually being done………..